Unfortunately, when you're fighting depression, it's really common to at times feel numb.
And, in order to help you feel understood and that you are not alone, right now, we'd like to share with you a free excerpt from our "Depression Numbness" Journal that includes a variety of quotes about what "depression numbness" feels like, looks like and sounds like - as told to us by members of The Depression Project's community.
Free excerpt
What Does âDepression Numbnessâ Feel Like?
âWhen youâre âdepression numbâ, youâre indifferent to everything and everyoneâ
As this quote from one of our members gets at, apathy is one of the hallmarks of âdepression numbnessâ. On a similar note, another one of our members put it this way: âWhen Iâm numb from depression, I just donât care. No matter what happens or what I do â good or bad â itâs just a blah âI don't careâ. Stubbed my toe? I don't care. Broke a ceramic dish? I don't care. Need to wash the dishes? I don't care. Found $20 in a jacket pocket? I don't care.â
According to our community, itâs also important to note that when youâre feeling âdepression numbâ, itâs extremely common to no longer enjoy the hobbies and activities that you used to love. Not only that, but itâs also extremely common for the people closest to you to no longer bring you any joy, pleasure or happiness, either. Instead of positive emotions such as these, you feel nothing. And, understandably, this can leave you confused, scared, and completely disconnected from the world â since nothing evokes in you any sort of emotion.
âWhen youâre âdepression numbâ, thereâs no colour in anythingâ
Emotions have the power to make every experience seem vibrant and colourful. So, when youâre experiencing âdepression numbnessâ, itâs like seeing everything in black and white. All of the colour and beauty has vanished.
ââDepression numbnessâ makes you lose touch with your senses, and makes you feel like youâre outside your bodyâ
When youâre struggling with âdepression numbnessâ, you may feel as if your senses are blunt. Consequently, things that would otherwise stimulate your senses or cause a sensory reaction in some way â such as food, music, art or sex, for example â may be much less able to do so. Additionally, when youâre âdepression numbâ, itâs extremely common to feel as if youâve left your body â in the sense that youâre no longer present in it (this is known as being disembodied).
âWhen youâre âdepression numbâ, youâre constantly fatiguedâ
Feeling âdepression numbâ can coincide with your body âshutting downâ. And, if this is the case, then for as long as your body is âshut downâ, you may experience constant, debilitating fatigue â to such an extent that even relatively simple tasks like doing your chores or taking care of your personal hygiene for example can feel like climbing a mountain.
âWhen youâre âdepression numbâ, you have no motivationâ
When you can no longer find pleasure in anything, then it can rob you of all your motivation. In particular, itâs common to find yourself thinking âwhatâs the point?â, and to feel as if youâre devoid of purpose. Furthermore, this lack of motivation is likely to be compounded if youâre feeling extremely fatigued.
âWhen youâre âdepression numbâ, everything is stagnantâ
Everything can feel very slow and heavy when youâre struggling with âdepression numbnessâ. It may seem as if youâre not able to gain any momentum, develop, or grow at all. There may be nothing in the present or the future that excites you or that arouses any joy, and life can feel as if itâs reduced to constant nothingness.
âBeing âdepression numbâ feels like youâre operating on auto-pilotâ
You may just be going through the motions, doing the bare minimum every day to survive. The absence of emotions can make you feel like a robot.
ââDepression numbnessâ is the absence of hopeâ
Itâs common to be so far removed from positive emotions such as joy, happiness, pleasure and being at peace for example that it can be hard to envision yourself ever experiencing them again. Similarly, it can feel impossible to envision yourself ever being free of depression as well.
Now That Weâve Shared What âDepression Numbnessâ Feels Like, What Does It Look Like?
 âInactivityâ
Like weâve said, when youâre âdepression numbâ, itâs extremely common to feel fatigued and to lack motivation. Consequently, inactivity is also extremely common, and can take the form of, for example:
- Not leaving your home to do the things that you otherwise would;
- Constantly putting off attending to your to-do list;
- Forgoing basic tasks such as doing your chores or looking after your personal hygiene;
- Spending much more time in bed than you otherwise would.
âWhen youâre âdepression numbâ, itâs such a struggle to engage with the world around youâ
This is commonly because:
- When youâre âdepression numbâ, everything tends to slow down for you. However, while you slow down, the world keeps going at its regular pace â which means that when you attempt to engage in the world, everything may seem too busy and fast for you to comprehend.
- Your senses are part of how you engage with the world around you, and like weâve said, when youâre âdepression numbâ, you may find that your senses arenât as sharp as they otherwise would be.
- If you arenât able to feel any emotions yourself and it seems as if everybody else around you can, then it may not seem possible for you to be able to relate to anyone.
âI have to fake a smile and my emotions around othersâ
Like weâve repeated, when youâre âdepression numbâ, youâre likely devoid of emotions â and consequently, itâs highly unlikely that youâll feel the natural urge to smile. However, if you happen to be around others, then you may feel compelled to fake a smile. This may be because, for example:
- Youâre scared of being judged;
- You fear that youâll burden others if you let them know how youâre really feeling;
- Youâre scared that no-one will understand what youâre going through;
- You feel that talking and acting in a way thatâs aligned with how you actually feel wouldnât be socially acceptable.
For these reasons, masking your true feelings in front of others when youâre âdepression numbâ is something that a lot of our communityâs members can relate to. As one person in particular put it: âI have to make a conscious effort to express appropriate emotional responses for the sake of others, rather than simply not reacting at all because that is how I honestly feelâ.
âWhen Iâm feeling âdepression numbâ, I sometimes struggle to respond to other people during a conversation and canât find my wordsâ
Feelings and emotions play a role in helping you communicate with other people. Consequently, when youâre experiencing âdepression numbnessâ and are completely out of touch with your own feelings and those of others, then communication can become difficult and stunted.
âIf Iâm not up to faking a smile and interacting with others, then I isolate myselfâ
At times, you may simply feel too numb to be able to fake a smile and pretend that everything is fine. When this is the case, then you may feel compelled to socially withdraw until you feel better.
âWhen Iâm âdepression numbâ, I canât think clearly at allâ
According to our community, when experiencing âdepression numbnessâ, itâs also common to experience âbrain fogâ. This can mean that you find it difficult to, for example, think clearly, concentrate, make decisions, react quickly, and/or remember things.
âEven though I try, I just canât cryâ
When youâre âdepression numbâ, genuine expressions of emotion can be rare or non-existent. After all, how can you express your emotions if youâre currently numb to feeling them? This explains why when youâre âdepression numbâ, you may not be able to cry no matter how much you want to.
âI self-harm just to feel aliveâ
Particularly if youâve been âdepression numbâ for an extended period of time, you may find yourself desperate just to feel anything â which can explain why some of our community members report that theyâre prone to self-harming when theyâre âdepression numbâ. However, itâs important to note that while harming yourself can help you to break out of âdepression numbnessâ, itâs a very destructive and self-sabotaging way of doing so, and instead, youâre much better off using one or more of the strategies weâll share with you in this journal (at this link, youâll also find a list of crisis support numbers that you may be able to call if you feel the urge to self-harm as well).
Lastly, Now That Weâve Shared What âDepression Numbnessâ Looks Like, What Does It Sound Like?
âWhatâs the point?â
Like weâve said, if youâre no longer able to feel joy in anything, then everything can feel like itâs pointless. As weâve also touched upon, this apathy can extend to not just items on your to-do list, but also relatively simple, basic tasks that you would otherwise do â such as looking after your personal hygiene or doing your chores, for example.
âNothingâs ever going to changeâ
Like weâve also said, for some people, âdepression numbnessâ can include the absence of hope.
âI miss who I used to beâ
This is a common thought to have if you find yourself looking back on better times when you were able to feel positive emotions such as joy, hope, love and happiness, for example.
âI could be doing so much, but I donâtâ
Like weâve said, âdepression numbnessâ often goes hand-in-hand with inactivity, and if this is the case, then you may find yourself lamenting all that you would be able to do if you werenât feeling so numb. This self-talk may also become highly critical in nature, and take the form of blaming and abusing yourself for not being better able to function.
âNo thoughts at allâ
Alternatively, you may find that when youâre âdepression numbâ, you actually experience an absence of not just emotions, but also thoughts.
End of free excerpt
If you can relate to some or all of the above journal excerpt, our friend, then like we've said, please rest assured that you are NOT alone, and that feeling numb when you have depression is extremely understandable given everything you're going through.
All our love,
The Depression Project Team.
P.S. In addition to helping you feel as if you're not alone, we created The "Depression Numbness" Journal in order to:
- Help you better understand âdepression numbnessâ â including the reasons why you may be experiencing it in the first place;
- Help you break out of âdepression numbnessâ - so that you can get back to experiencing joy and pleasure from the things that you usually like doing, be able to think clearer and function more effectively, and be in a better position to take the necessary steps to treat your depression.